” I am nineteen, sitting in a fancy restaurant in Santa Fe, New Mexico, with my boyfriend, David. We are both dressed up. He is wearing a tan suit, I have on a flowered sun dress, we are both tan and healthy. We order a round of drinks- margaritas- and, with dinner, a bottle of red wine, a California Cabernet. I am supremely happy in this picture. I feel wonderfully protected, cocooned by the wine and the sense of romance, and together David and I are the perfect image of young love, clinking wine glasses above the pink linen at our table.” Knapp, Caroline, Drinking A Love Story, pg. 86
“Without liquor I’d feel like a trapped animal, which is why I always had it. Without liquor I didn’t know what to do with myself, and I mean that in the most literal sense, as though my thoughts and my limbs were foreign to me and I’d missed some key set of instructions about how to use them.” Knapp, Caroline, Drinking A Love Story, pg 112
Fairy Dust. Some THING to take the awkwardness away. The contempt of self away. The hole in our chests away. The pain of life away. To make NOW other than the REALITY that it is.
We all want to HIDE. to ESCAPE. to be MORE or DIFFERENT. To Clink Glasses above pink linen in a sort of perfect fantasy. To BE GOOD, CONFIDENT, WHOLE, and SURE in and of ourselves… to HIDE the part that scares us, that we don’t want others to see.
Look at history.
Adam and Eve hid themselves in the garden and then tried to make a suitable covering for themselves.
Jacob ran when his deception was uncovered.
Lot chose the land that was pleasing to his eyes.
Moses fled to the desert to protect himself from Pharaoh’s wrath.
Aaron lied about the golden calf and tried to make himself look better than he was.
The nation Israel wanted an earthly, visible King to stand behind.
David sent someone else to kill Uriah.
Ahab hid behind Jezebel.
The Pharisees propped themselves up behind religion and appearances.
Peter cussed and denied knowing Jesus.
Hitler shot himself rather than face his true self and situation.
Nixon was respectful on camera and cussed in private.
North Korea hides it’s victims far from all the rest of our human eyes.
And all of us have this in common. We want to believe we are good. But when we are alone… all alone…. we know that we are not. If people knew everything about us, they may reject us. The real us, the fragile, broken us. NOT the appearance, NOT the tan, healthy us. but the most wretched us. That one. She is the one we want our dust for. It may not be drink. BUT, the plight of the alcoholic isn’t foreign to any of us. We all want an escape, an aura, an atmosphere that seems magical. We all want a fix. Something to hide us. Something to fix us. Something to prove we are okay… that everything is okay.
In all different forms, but nonetheless the same goal is desired.
And what could be better…? than Fairy Dust? Well nothing if it were true. If a sprinkle here and the perfect lighting there really did the trick… but it’s not. It’s the fluff and stuff of well, you know, fairy tales, hence it’s name Fairy Dust.
When all the dust settles and here we are. When we get a glimmer of reality. We have a choice. Cover it ourselves. Try the fairy dust one. more. time. Or, stop it. Do whatever it takes to meet with the man from Galilee… the One named Jesus. The real deal. Not what we or others have made Him to be, but who He is. Oh God, show me. I can’t. And at the utterance of those words, we realize those are honest words.
Here is a promise from the Word for those who reject fairy dust, who choose not to have any part of it any longer.
Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and HIS righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33
One of those “things” is the dignity of doing the difficult in reality. Living by faith in the One who never sprinkles dust because He is deeper than that and better than that. Here’s an attempt at a poem of what He tells us about our desire for fairy dust and how He will indeed let us have it if we so choose.
Your covers don’t cover,
The lies your mouths utter,
The secret no one has discovered,
All open and laid bare before my sight.
Your covers I will not move,
They are yours.
You have washed, held, and snuggled them close.
So, I tell you: they are yours to keep or disclose.
They are your idols, the places where you deposit your trust,
But I, I do not sprinkle fairy dust,
Twist arms or come in the shape of a good luck charm.
You can’t beckon me with a chant, or well- worded prayer,
You can’t make me conform to your idea of me.
I’m above you and I don’t bend at your whiny plea.
I AM and I, I come to the one, the one who uncovers,
Who lays bare and at my mercy,
With a reverent fear,
I see the one who looks to my Son in a desperate, honest plea,
Who gives up self will.
And as The Judge of judges, I grant the pardon,
I order the shutting of Satan’s mouth with his accusations,
And I cover.
I order the removal of the filthy garments.
You bare and waiting,
Your garments are dipped. In My Son’s Blood.
And I, I cover you.
Now you stand in snow-white garments,
An unseen crown upon your head,
Because now you belong to the Kingdom of the living, no longer of the dead.
Restored you are to dependence on me,
With a new warrior’s heart and the seal of My Spirit,
No power of hell -No wretched plan,
Can prevail in the presence of the One who has the only sufficient cover,
It Is I and I invite you, yes you, to come and discover:
Me: The Great I AM.
See Zechariah 3
And that, readers, is what is better than Fairy Dust.