Never Kindled, Never Quenched Light in Marriage

When my husband and I married, I purchased a nice, expensive- for- our- budget- rug for our bathroom. In my opinion dirty shoes did not belong in the bathroom, especially on this rug. I still think this way.  I think the bathroom should be a shoe-free zone.

Now, as you can imagine, my husband does not think the same way. He is fast and efficient. There just is not time, in his mind, to take shoes off and on for the sake of the bathroom rug.

So, as a respectful in my mind, young wife, I made my request once. Then twice, three times… and then the request turned into a nagging, revealing the true nature of my heart.  Requests give people permission to answer yes or no.  This was no request. It was a command in the form of a request in order to appear like a reasonable wife… as long as he did what I wanted. Since he didn’t, I nagged.

The last time I nagged, he looked at me, picked up the rug, and tossed it out of the bathroom. He continued on with his bathroom business and I believe he left the room after that.

There I was- rug tossed aside.

So, I heard the message loud and clear. My solution was to wash the rug more frequently. When I found a solution, because obviously he wasn’t going to change, the rug was no longer a problem. We no longer have that rug, but we still have our marriage.

I learned an important lesson that day and God gave me the humility to get it. I could’ve been offended, but actually, I became grateful.  I like that my husband won’t let a nagging character develop in me. Now, I know, some of you are offended for me and you think he was rude. So, be it. He is a grown man and if he doesn’t want to take his shoes off he doesn’t have to. He did not marry a momma. He married a wife. I do well to get that and not be offended. Some of you are thinking, well, we are supposed to submit one to another and he didn’t budge. You are right, but listen dear reader, it was a rug that I made a “request” about and then I nagged trying to force him to say yes ma’am. The issue was MY HEART… I was controlling.

This is an example of submission. In the midst of conflict, God revealed my heart to me. Here is where we must listen and obey being humble and submitting to what God shows us or we can well up with pride, stuff down the awareness God gives us and cause unnecessary problems… dragging out an issue even further.


Here is what comes before the Scripture commanding wives to submit to their husbands starting with verse 11 in Ephesians chapter 5:

And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret. But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light. Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourself with songs and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Now, go back up and look at the word, light, highlighted in hot pink. That word, light, is the Greek word, phos (with a long o). It means light of the sun or of the day. Phos is never kindled or never quenched. The light that is never kindled and can never be quenched makes visible the things that are reprovable.

…God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. John 1:5

When that kind of God light- never kindled and never quenched- makes something visible to our spirits, we do well to reprove the darkness and choose to walk in the light of God. Our spirit man wants that as believers! He wants to give us Himself.

Dear Reader, I bless you with reproving those dark things that His light exposes. I bless you, with not being a momma to your man, but rather a wife, who allows him the dignity of answering yes or no… to rug type questions. Bless you with receiving more of Christ- the never kindled, never quenched light.

And pray for me?

In Christ Alone,



  1. I pray for you and your precious family every day. You are a huge blessing and a joy to me!
    Your writing/blog is amazing and speaks straight to the heart. to them who have ears….let them hear! Bless you today. I love you.

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